so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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