dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
