My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
