How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Two words: blizzard sex
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So vagazzling was a success
A+ Viking dick
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
