Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
