I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
