YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
