If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
