my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
