Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
