I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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