you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize