Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
