The brown eye won't let me do that either.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
