A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
