I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
