someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
