I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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