If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize