You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
