he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize