At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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