Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
