bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
