Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Randomize
