it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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