We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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