if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
