need another drink. this is the easiest way
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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