the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm getting married
To pizza
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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