Even water is tasting like jack daniels
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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