I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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