update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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