So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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