Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize