I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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