We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
