She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize