you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
