He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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