he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize