If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
