At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
