She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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