So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
there was a trapeze. enough said
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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