i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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