That's when you crack a 10am beer
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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