he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
