Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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