Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
