I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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