Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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