I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
