oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
