my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
His hands were made for my vagina.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
