Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
