I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
