I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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