i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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