Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
