i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
