It's like God shit irony all over that family
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize