I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
