No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
