Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
