im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
