Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize