these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize